DEAR MAYO CLINIC: In the past few years, my mom passed away, and I lost a dear friend. The holidays were always a special time for us. Since their deaths, the holidays are really hard. Do you have any suggestions for managing this grief?

ANSWER: The holiday season can be especially challenging if you're mourning the death of someone close to you. Whether it was a recent loss or one that occurred some time ago, feelings of grief can be heightened and may seem overwhelming during the holiday season.

This is the time of year known for traditions and togetherness with family and friends, yet you may face challenges in how you celebrate and gather. Understanding how grief affects you, having conversations about plans with those close to you, and finding ways to remember your loved ones can help restore a sense of balance. These choices also can help you navigate through rough spots and find warmth in special, unexpected places.

Experiencing grief emotionally, physically

Grief and bereavement are universal human responses to loss. How each person processes their symptoms and reactions varies greatly. Because all people are different, how and when those feelings surface are also different. There's no predictable timetable or pattern.

While you may feel it on an emotional level or in your everyday activities or relationships, grief also can have physical effects. These can include:

• Tiring more easily or low energy.
• Having trouble eating or sleeping.
• Seeming more susceptible to headaches and other illnesses.
• Having trouble concentrating or focusing.
• Having low tolerance.

You're not imagining these reactions. They're real.

Some of what you're experiencing may include responses that don't feel socially acceptable. 

You might find that tears come easily in unexpected places or you can't cry — the tears just won't come. You might feel so down or exhausted that you have trouble just getting out of bed or off the sofa. You might realize that the coping responses you've developed might not be the healthiest.

The important thing is to honor your process and acknowledge that this is how you respond and how you're coping. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Go at your own pace.

Seeking help to navigate the holidays

Pay close attention to your health and take good care of yourself while grieving. It's important to be gentle with yourself. Try to eat healthy foods and get enough rest. 

If you're experiencing these symptoms, it's a good idea to consult with your healthcare team to ensure that all is well physically and to receive additional emotional guidance during this difficult time.

It may be beneficial to seek grief counseling or join a grief support group. Knowing that you're not alone can make a world of difference. Connecting with those who understand or are going through a similar situation can provide new perspectives and affirm that what you're going through is normal.

Sharing stories among family and friends, making favorite foods, looking at photographs of happy times, or other activities may help you find connection. But pay attention to whether this helps or becomes too much to handle. Let your feelings be your guide. Finding the path to navigate through all the season's activities may provide a sense of empowerment.

You're grieving because you've loved, have been loved and continue to love. An important part of your healing this holiday season may be to embrace the love and memories you've shared with your loved ones.

Wishing you peace through the holiday season.

Jessie Wolf, Psychiatry and Psychology, Mayo Clinic Health System, New Prague, Minnesota 

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